Party cells
Yesterday I was better, as I wrote so proudly about in the post from yesterday. Unfortunately I'm not feeling that well today. I slept ok, but not better than yesterday. I had a nightmare and my symptoms of fast heartbeat and anxiety in the body didn't disappear either, like they did yesterday. I'm ok, though, not freaking out or anything. Just a little bit frustrated and unmotivated. But I'm back on the bottle again. 4,5 liters so far today, and now it's 3pm. Not eaten anything yet. Don't know how much longer I'm gonna keep going today. I want to give up. But I'm not going to of course... It's just so... boring. I thought I was done yesterday! Ah...
How do I interpret this situation? I've not nearly seen everything or read everything by Darko. So I have yet to learn a lot. But from what I've learned so far, here's my thinking: When I was drinking all that plasma those two days I managed to clean the blood just enough for my symptoms to disappear for a little period of time. But probably I had only cleaned up enough to keep the saturation of toxins just below the limit of when symptoms are noticeable. And even though I've taken some ginger tea and kiwi, to stop the cells from vomiting out their long stored shitty stuff, I guess this has not been enough to close off all the cells that have been having a party lately. And that many of them are still dancing on, feasting on fresh plasma and cleansing themselves at a high speed, and the saturation of toxicity in my blood quickly passes the limit, and I get the symptoms back.
So what do I do now? Drink and drink. Can't avoid that. What about eating toxins to close my now oh so happy cells so they will stop dumping all that garbage in my blood, and for once give me a break? What to do with those cells... Should I let them continue having the time of their life? Or should I be the party pooper? I have no idea how much I would have to add of spices etc in order for the cells to close their membranes and stop their party, throwing all that shit around my space, and making me come and clean after them. Rude evil cells. Obviously what I've been taking has not been enough. I could increase the amount of spices etc. to make sure they shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
But what if that only makes it worse? What if that makes it just harder and makes it take longer to get the saturation low enough for me to be symptom free for more than one single day? Ah... this is so difficult! Maybe it's best to just drink, and accept my situation and trust that it will be better very soon, as long as I just drink properly for a day or two.
It's so difficult to just trust that. I have such a strong need for control. I want to know when it's gonna be over, and what exactly I should do. So this is a great exercise for me! I'm so lucky to get such great exercises from life. Life always brings me exactly the exercises I need to develop. Yes I'm being just a tiny pinch of sarcastic now, but at the same time - it is true.
I feel nauseous, anxious and unwell.
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